They taunt me

I have to admit: I smoked some cigarettes lately. It's been since November 21 that I quit, but on Saturday I had about 3, and Tuesday I had 4. Unfortunately, someone left their half empty pack with me, and I've been staring at them for an hour now. See, earlier today when I went to a meeting I stood outside and smoked with some folks. And now, I want another one.

Nicotine is a lot like cocaine. "A single 15-minute exposure to nicotine caused a long-term increase in the excitability of neurons involved in reward." You get it in your system and that's it. You want more. So I've been watching for my dad to go to sleep, or at least go in his room, and here it is almost 2am and the man is still reading his book. I can't escape, or even go out on the porch. He's blocking the way. Damn it.

I promised Jennifer I would not buy another pack once this one is gone. And I won't. No matter how much I miss smoking, I don't want to go back to it while I'm living at home. Ahh, you catch that? That was me giving myself permission to smoke again one day. Bad. I've got to watch that. "Smoking is bad," says Jennifer, who can't seem to quit either.