The full monty

So there's a cool chat on Twitter that happens on Tuesday nights at 9pm (#mhsm). Tonight they were talking about disclosure; when and who to disclose to, what the repercussions are, etc.

I'm one big contradiction. Everyone in my life knows I'm bipolar. I tell people usually the first or second time I meet them. I like people to know up front, and I like to have the people around me educated about the illness. I find it easier to just be me and have people who can call me out on my behavior if it gets too one direction or the other. It's also good to have people in your corner when you're not a very good advocate for yourself. Saying, "I don't feel good." to someone who knows how bad you can really feel is easier than getting yourself to a doctor. So really, disclosure is totally selfish.

But hardly anyone knows I'm sober. Isn't that odd? It's not like I care if they know, but I do, sort of. I mean, everyone drinks, and everyone is used to me drinking heavily. It's part of my personality, like being bipolar is. So what happens to a me without alcohol? I'm just finding that out, and I'm not sure I know how to represent myself yet.

Strange, huh? That I should be ok with the debilitating illness and not with the minor alcoholism?