Separate worlds

"You are not your illness. It's just something you have that flares up every now and again. It's not you." - Julie

I need to learn how to separate me from the bipolar. I tend to think of myself always as ill first, and everything else second. But who am I without the illness? Well, I'm hella optimistic, I can tell you that. I'm in a spot right now where anyone would be depressed, and I'm ok. I really am. I'm confused, and a little torn, but I should be. It's natural to be up in the air about everything when everything is up in the air like it is. But I'm optimistic that it's all going to work out. Everything is going to be fine; better, even.

The horrible, suicidal depression I slipped into the other week isn't me, I have to remember that. It's not who I am, it's just a thing that happens. A flair up. It's like having psoriasis or some other disease where the symptoms present sometimes and you have to fix them with medications, and then they go away for a while. Going off meds always reminds me how much I need them. I mean, look at my posts. I'm suicidally depressed and yet questioning my diagnosis. Dumb. Makes me laugh at how delusional I can get, but scared, too. I need to keep myself on track. It's not ok to go off meds.