Shit sucks

I've been reminded twice today that my birthday is coming up in 3 weeks. I'm not going to the look back yet, but boy what a year it's been. It was the best 6 months of my life in the beginning, and the worst past 6 months. I suppose there is yin and yang, good and bad, in all things, but man, what a ride.

My aunt and my therapist, Julie, both told me I have to stop saying everything is alright. I'm allowed to be upset, miserable, depressed. In fact, I probably should be. But I'm so used to being optimistic. I'm used to seeing the bright side of life. But shit sucks! Man, I'm about to be 31, living at home on a twin bed with all my stuff in storage, I lost my dog, I don't have my car but I'm still paying for it, I have one friend here that I see, and I'm not even dating. Shit sucks.

Here I go again. Well, if it sucks, Anne, what are we going to do about it? I'm going out with an old friend on Sunday and he just invited me to something next month, too. I'm supposed to go out tomorrow night with someone, but I don't think she remembers it's tomorrow. I'll have to call in the morning. I'd like to see her. So there, I'm hanging out with friends and getting out of the house.

I don't want to do anything else on the dating front because I don't know where I'll be living. Damn. I need to just do it. I need to just date. I'm scared, I guess. I've gained some weight back, which makes me feel self-conscious. And I don't have any of my cute shoes and dresses. They're all in storage. And I don't have somewhere to take a date should I want to take them home. Sigh.

I need to get it together. No wallowing in how much my life has changed this year. I need to move forward. Time to move on. Now how can I get out of here?