The little dude

I heard a speaker last night who had the best description of a blackout state:

In your head, there's a little forklift driver who delivers memories from the short term to the long term. When you get drunk, so does the little guy.

My little guy has spent a lot of time sleeping on the job. He's been sitting there, drunk and snoozing, letting my memories of today and yesterday fade. I suppose it's good when you don't want to remember some things. Like when your life is fucked up and all you want to do is escape. That's what I used booze for in the beginning. It just seemed like the only thing that would work.

Now that I have to feel my feelings, my little dude is working overtime. I can remember what I had for breakfast. I know who I ran into the other day. I remembered what the speaker said. They say as you work on your steps, things start to come back to you. Sometimes I can't wait to remember things, and other times, I know those blackouts were brought on for a reason. There's stuff in my head I just don't want to know is there. Well I'm going to find out pretty soon, I think.

Drive little man, drive.