Let go and let God.

There's such a theme to my posts lately, probably because I'm on step 3.

We discussed step 6 today in my woman's meeting. Letting God remove all these character defects. One of my biggies is I'm controlling. I really like to have control over what's going on. I've always been that way, and it was only exacerbated by my upbringing. See, my mom is out of control. There was always something happening with her: suicide attempts, getting lost, getting kicked out of whole countries. And I always was the designated rescue agent. Go pick her up from the airport. Go take her to the shelter. Get her food stamps and social security. Give the doctors her medical history. Make sure she's doing this, or that. Mothers' caretaker.

So I was always in control of an out of control situation. Things would happen, and I would bring order to chaos and get everything under control.

And it's just permeated my life. I've tried to be in control of everything, whether I could have any say in it or not.

So step three has been really hard for me. It's all about letting go of your death grip on things and letting God, or whatever, take over the reins. Admitting that you don't have control is easy. Letting go is not.

Talked with my sponsor tonight, and she said I don't have to do it all NOW. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to try. So I'm breathing and I'm saying it now: thy will not mine. Thy will not mine. I turn it over to you, God. Do as you may.