It's all the same

Adam and I had another fight last night about my involvement in AA. He talked about what worked for him in his first year; how he fought it tooth and nail, and then gave in to it. "I know it's worked for you. I saw how great it was for you in your first year." His face turned red. "You have no idea! You weren't there!"

And I wasn't. After we broke up I lost my mind. I slept with my boss, I went out to drink every single night till I was so drunk I fell asleep on the train, I acted like the 25 year old fool I was. I was broken by our breakup, and everything about me showed it. But I wasn't there for him. I avoided him. I couldn't see him. I couldn't stand it. The pain was deep, and I knew he wouldn't succeed with me in the way.

When Adam and I get together we often talk about our breakup. "Why does it always come back to this," I asked. "It was a watershed moment in both of our lives," he replied. And it's true. It was something that changed me forever. And him. But how will it work out in the end?