Birthday planning begins

"I think it would be nice, but I'm scared I'm going to hurt myself."

"I think you should go."

What the hell kind of therapy is that? Emily's parents have a beach house they said I could use, so I was thinking of going there for my birthday. Just go dip my toes in the ocean and have a few days completely alone. But it scares me. To be somewhere no one can get to me, 2 hours away, alone. I feel like it's a perfect opportunity to kill myself. Just wander out into the ocean and not come back. It scares me.

I asked Julie about it, and she thinks I should go. I think she's insane. I told my mom I was going to go, and she sent me an email entitled "Red Flags." Even the crazy person thought it was a bad idea to spend my birthday alone at the beach.

So I signed myself up for a spa day instead. I booked a mud wrap, massage, manicure, and pedicure. I'm going to get all relaxed and prettied up and hope that someone will take me out to dinner. Or screw them all - I'll take myself out to dinner. I need to think of a good restaurant. I don't care if it's expensive. I want to have a nice day.