Danger, Will Robinson

Today at a meeting we read one of the stories from the Big Book (pg. 468) about a Native American woman who turned to prostitution to pay for her alcohol addiction. She was eventually pistol-whipped and left for dead in a field.

I think this is something every woman can identify with. How many times have we used our wiles to get free beers out of men with no intention of ever talking to them again? How many times has a man gotten us drunk? How many times have you put yourself in dangerous situations just to get that next drink?

I know I have. I've lept into the arms of strangers to find that next fix. I've followed them to their homes and cars in the promise of another drink. I've given my body willingly in order to satisfy a quid-pro-quoit.

Here, I'll tell you a story: At this bar I used to hang out in in my hometown, a man walked in one night and pointed at me. "You, come with me," he said. in my drunken state I thought, "Well, he's hot, he's muscular, and he wants me." I literally jumped into his arms and he carried me outside to his car. I went home with him and let him do things a stranger shouldn't be able to do. Seriously, love should be given to those you love, not those you expect to pay you back in booze. We drank all night and into the next morning.

When we woke up, a snowstorm had blanketed the area so thickly that there was no escaping his apartment. I had to check his mail to find out his name. My phone died, my car was miles away, and I was trapped with this body builder.

Anything could have happened! No one knew where I was! There was no escape. I am so eternally lucky to have picked someone who didn't hurt me. I only hurt myself by continuing to drink to ward off the bad feelings welling inside me. Why did I always do this to myself? Why did I give myself without any thought to my pride and welfare? After three days I was able to get back to my car. Everyone was worried about me, and my friends were pissed. And you know what I did? I went back to the bar to drink more and repeat the saga over and over again.

What danger we put ourselves in. As women, we should be more careful. There are people out there who would do us harm (men too, I suppose). And why do we do it? Because we have no inhibitions with alcohol. Because it makes us stupid.

I am grateful I never have to do that again. I can give my love to the person I'm with, and only that person. I can share myself with someone I love. I never have to go back to hating myself so much that I could hand body over to just anyone.