Why don't I like me?

I just took a sleeping pill, and it's totally not making me want to sleep. In fact, it's just making me more crazy. I know I should turn off the computer and stop thinking, but it seems today is thinking day. So what more wisdom could I possibly impart today? Wisdom? You say, what wisdom? Come on, I'm at least slightly smart. Admit it, you love me. And, now I'm talking to myself again.

Self-love: self-loathing. Don't we all go through these emotions? How do you love yourself? Adam has been dealing with this question a lot. His therapist says you can't love yourself too much. You need to give yourself the love you didn't receive as a child, or whenever.

But how do you love yourself? They tell you to exercise, eat right, call people who love you. But is that enough? Do you have to take a fearless and moral inventory of how you are lovable? Let's do it!

Ok, I am lovable because:

I am a kind person. I really love others, and I love to hear them talk. I want to help. I know, this can be really annoying, but I try not to offer too much advice; I just listen.

I am funny. You know I am. Admit it.

I am beautiful. At least kids on the boardwalk think so.

Because.... Because.... Huh. Well, I've got looks covered, and the basics of funny and kind. And generous probably fits in there somewhere. But why am I lovable? Why do people want to be around me? Beats the hell out of me, apparently. I'm sure I could come up with a million reasons why people shouldn't like me. Sometimes I don't like me. Like now, when I think I'm being annoying by talking so much. But it's my damn blog, and that's what it's here for: for me to ramble. So why can't I think of any other reasons? Am I that blocked out emotionally that I can't even think of the good things?

I know deep down that I'm lovable. I can feel it. Why can't I see it?