I want, I want

I have to move tomorrow. What the hell am I still doing up? Why can't I sleep? Oh yeah, cause I'm making the biggest change one can make besides getting married or having a baby. I'm moving across the country and leaving everything I know for a place I think I know.

This is big. Maybe I'll stop in Albuquerque and just drop off the map? Maybe make New Mexico my home and become a hermit. Then I won't need an income. Right. I have always wanted to live in New Mexico, but I'm just fine with visiting.

I've also always wanted to live in Boston. Maybe I'll go stay with my uncle for a month and see how it is. Or maybe I'll just visit there, too.

I really want to be home home. I don't want to leave it again permanently. I want to stick around and make it my home again. I want to find a nice place to buy with a yard and three bedrooms. Somewhere safe and yet close to transportation. Somewhere with a chimney and brick facade. A place with bright sun streaming in the windows where I can put my plants. I know just the place and just the neighborhood. Of course, it's gentrified more now than when I left, so I might have to buy someplace I can afford, first. But we're dreaming, here.

I want to find a nice guy who is smart and funny and "settle down." Deep down, I'm pretty old-fashioned. I want a 60th wedding anniversary party. I want to find someone I can really share everything with, and have a couple of kids. One to three. I'm an only child, and I hated it, so maybe two is good.

I want to find a profession I enjoy and am good at, with a nice pensioners fund. Good luck, right? Well, there's always the government.

I want all these simple things, and I want them to happen at home. So I'm going there to find myself, just like I came here to do the same.

And I did. I found boundaries. I found out who I was when my family wasn't around. I learned to love myself and even like myself, too. I found out a lot about who I am and how I work, and now I can take that knowledge home with me.

So here's hoping.