That wolf inside

Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. - 12&12, Step 5

Going alone into your dark, deep recesses of the mind is always a dangerous thing. That's why God invented therapists. Sometimes you have to reach in there and grab out the scary stuff and wrestle with it, but you can always take it to other people.

Again, like when Atrayu faces the wolf, he has to take that first step alone and face what he doesn't want to face (like step four). My mom used to always send me out of the room on some errand when this part came on, so it was years before I knew the wolf scene was in the movie. It still scares me! The deep dark places in your mind are frightening.

And that's why we bring everything back to a place of safety. We go in with God on our sides, and come out sharing the experience with others in order to make sense of it all. I think I'll like this step. It'll be hard during step four to find the places where I'm "defective," but nice to get that burden off of my shoulders.

Someone mentioned they did their fifth step with a man on the bus. I think that's hilarious. You will never see that person again, and so it's easier to admit your defects. I think mine will have to be in therapy or even with my sponsor. I need to get a little more comfortable with her first.

It's not that I don't like her, it's just that she's not around a lot. She's hard to pin down, but she's only human. It'll just take me some time to trust her enough with my emotions. But she's got what I want - she's still working her program hard, and comes to troubles only to work them through with the help of others. I want to have that kind of program.