Hurts so good

Ok, don't freak out. I just had to do it. I didn't draw any blood - paperclips can't really hurt you - but I just had to scratch that itch. I just scratched myself, and the adrenaline is making me feel better already. It's just three little lines on my arm. They're not really even red or irritated.

I haven't cut in 7 years. Or 6. Something along those lines. I've gotten "accidental" bruises and cuts in the years in between, but nothing blatant. I'm going to smoke a cigarette when I get home and hope it takes the urge away. I purposefully have nothing sharp in my house (you should see me trying to saw through bread. I can't cut meat at my house cause all my knives are dull). I'm still afraid of razor blades because of the damage I did last time. I don't even like the disposable ones, but I can't stand the armpit hair more.

So I'm going to go home and call someone. Maybe my therapist. I don't know what she'll do. I mean, I didn't really do anything big, and I don't want to kill myself at all. I have no plan or anything. I'm fine in that regard - I'm just anxious and acting out. Maybe I'll call her now....