Today is resentment day

I just talked to my aunt, cause it's her birthday, and told her I joined AA. She was really supportive and proud of me. She said she's envious that I always can make good decisions for myself and actually follow through. I do have a lot of follow through. It's one of my good qualities. I actually do what I say I'm going to do.

She also asked me to call my cousin in Seattle. He just moved out there about 6 months ago, and doesn't know anyone yet. He works weird hours, and so is having a hard time connecting. I know what that's like. I didn't have any friends when I moved here until 8 months later when I met my boyfriend. He introduced me to a bunch of people, and I finally had someone to talk to.

We all connected over alcohol. I met him at beer olympics where I was a referee and he was the anchor; the one who finishes all the beer no one else can drink. We got super wasted and began throwing eggs at other people (eggs were part of one of the games). We moved in together shortly thereafter, cause we're both kind of impulsive and were lonely.

We drank together every day. We went out every night. It was about 2 years of nonstop drinking and hookah smoking. We never stopped. And he became a bit abusive. He used to tell me I was fat and crazy. He would punch stuff (never me) and drove his car into a stop sign while we were having a fight just to shut me up. It was kinda bad. We eventually broke up, but we still talk, and he's really gotten a lot better. He's been working on himself, and I like him much better now. He even admitted the other day what an asshole he was.

But what was my part in that? I became cold and distant, and I used to start fights a lot of the time. I owe him an apology as well. I'm not sure what else I can do to make it up to him, but that won't be till step nine, which is a long time from now. We'll see.