Keep coming back

So I admitted to the room tonight just how lazy I've been all week about going to meetings, and that I only came cause I thought the secretary was going to yell at me for not coming - and she's on vacation! But I went, and I feel better.

There was a guy there who had 5 days, and man did he smell like booze. It's his second time around, but he said he's happy to be back, and really serious this time. I hope to see him again around the rooms.

The speaker was quiet, but had a lot to say. She has been working her program for 24 years, and spoke about how she wasn't really raising her kids before she got here. Her 5 year old used to change the baby's diaper because she just couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I'm glad that, if I stay with this program, I'll never have to say that of my children. They'll never have to see me so drunk I can't bother to feed them or take care of them.

I'm glad I don't come from an alcoholic family. Both my parents abstain, for different reasons. Although living with a borderline is like living with alcoholism, my mom was always able to feed me and keep a roof over my head. Well, I suppose that was all my dad, but my mom was still able to be there, most of the time. My dad is a rock. He's never been drunk or unstable in any way, shape, or form, and I'm grateful every day for his steady influence.

So maybe one day I can be that steady influence for someone else. If I keep working at this program, I'll be amazed before I am halfway through, they say. I'll have a life better than I could have imagined, and the capacity to be there for those I love, and those alcoholics who have and haven't found these rooms.