I slept with my ex boyfriend

Story. Of. My. Life. I've slept with all my ex's after we broke up. It's just a thing I do. I can totally separate having once been with them and the act of sex. Except Adam. We never slept together after we broke up. I think I just respect him too much to treat him as a piece of meat. Anyways... I have no problem treating the rest of my ex's like a piece of meat. I'm such a bitch. I digress.

On my last bender, it all started with a potential boyfriend. I met him on eHarmony (my aunt was doing a social experiment where she made my cousins and I join and then send her stories. Living vicariously). We went out for the second time, and drank our way through dinner (well, I think we had an appetizer) and then went back to his house to drink more. He has an apartment in the city with a penthouse suite and a roof deck overlooking the whole city. We had agreed by then that we were better off friends, and so we just drank and told stories till 4am. We eventually made it downstairs, and since I'd missed public transit, I just stayed. I was totally late to work the next day. And kinda drunk. It was a Thursday.

Not four days later, my first boyfriend ever came into town for a conference. This is where it gets hairy. I hadn't really stopped drinking since the affair the last week, and now here was this heavy drinker to take me out. He's rich, so we went to all the expensive restaurants in the city while he was here (2 days, 3 restaurants, so not all of them). The first night, we actually ate dinner, but had two bottles of really good wine with it. Then, of course, we weren't finished. We went to a bar and had a couple of beers, and then decided to go to another bar and take shots. All I remember is on shot number 4 saying cheers. Then I don't remember anything until I woke up, naked, with him lying naked at my feet. Luckily we had somehow made it to the hotel room.

Of course, it was 9am and I had to be at a meeting my boss and co-worker were co-presenting. It started at 8:30, half an hour from where I was. And I was wearing what I wore to work the day before. And I was DRUNK, still. So I did what any self-respecting girl does on the walk of shame: I stopped by Old Navy and bought a new outfit. I got to work (where I had left my car, and someone had keyed it [resentment!]) and dropped my clothes in the car. I checked my credit card statement, and I had spent $170 on shots. How in the hell do you do that?? No wonder I was still drunk. I showed up at the meeting and sweated it out. About halfway through, I was getting sober (from all the coffee) and started shaking and sweating. I was a hot mess.

The next night, cause I'm a glutton for punishment, we did it again, only I made him pay this time. I have no idea what we drank, but I didn't wake up naked this time, which is a plus. I walked down to Old Navy again and bought another dress. I made it to my car only to find TWO flat tires. Sigh. So I called AAA and had them tow me home. I called my boss and told her I had broken down on the way to work (this was already an hour after I was supposed to have been there for the second day of the meeting). I got to take a shower and wash some of the booze and cigarettes off of me. Whew! By the time I got my car back it was noon and I had missed half the meeting, and walked in during lunch. I was sweaty and shaky again, but at least I (probably) didn't smell like booze.

AND THEN, another friend came into town. He's not an ex, but close enough. We went out drinking, but not too hardcore. At least, he didn't. I had a party at my house the day he was supposed to leave, and I got so drunk I was literally falling down. I actually am really embarrassed about that one. I need to apologize to him for my behavior that day. I was probably still wasted from Tuesday, shot night.

By that next Wednesday I was done with alcohol. So that was my last bender.