Stuffing it down

Feelings suck. My friend is going through a divorce and some other crap, and she's chosen to stuff down her feelings in the shape of a hamburger. Of course, I am easily persuaded to avoid my emotions by eating. So hamburgers it was.

I joined Weight Watchers (again) last year and was able to moderate my eating (too bad you can't do an abstinence program, but I suppose some people do and die, so that would suck). I love food. I love to eat food. I never really know when I'm full. I am also of the belief that everyone has two stomachs - one for food and one for sweets. I like to think that way so I don't have to "save room" for dessert. I can just stuff it into my other stomach. Anyway, I was able to lose 40 pounds.

Now, I fear (fear again!) that I'm just going to replace all the calories from booze with bad for me food (I think I'm going to go get a milkshake after this post). Especially if I quit smoking. Food will be my only crutch left - my only addiction.

I'm basically an addictive person, and an obsessive one. I get hooked onto something and then never let it go. Or I quit for a while and come back. I was super obsessed with running, too, until I had to take a break cause I over trained. When I was a kid I totally expected to be a heroin addict one day. I knew then that my addictive personality would get me.

But I'm going to keep running, and keep on Weight Watchers, and hope that I can control myself. Maybe through my inventory I'll be able to discover what character defects make me so unhappy that I have to feed myself with my addictions; whether that's food, booze, cigarettes, or something else.