I statements

My dad says it's obvious when I'm depressed because I start using only "I" statements, when I'm usually other focused.

He tends to say, "you just have to get over it," when I'm depressed or talking about being a, b, or c. I don't think he realizes that you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You need that higher power to get you through, that "other" that can lift you up. He has a higher power that gets him through a lot. He's really good about offering it all up to God and not sweating the little stuff.

I've started being honest with him about a lot. I told him tonight that I used to steal the little bottles out of the closet. He said they never noticed because neither of my parents drank. They only kept that stuff for guests, and they never had parties. I also talked to him about cutting. He remembers that. I know it worries him, and he always says, "snap out of it," but I know he's worried.

He thinks my cousin Rita is an alcoholic. He's noticed the way she drinks a lot when she comes to visit - she goes out with local friends and gets wasted, or got really drunk at a baseball game, slurring her words. I know she used to be anorexic (but I've seen her eat at family functions in the past few years - I watch her pretty close), and again, mental illnesses often have addictive properties. I think I'm going to give her a call and tell her what's going on with me. Adam says, you may be the only Big Book someone sees. We're not horribly close, but I know we love each other, and I've always been protective of her. She's really a great girl. Maybe that's my call for the morning.