Will I ever dance again?

My friend Doug and I like to go out and get drunk. Big surprise, right? But Doug is my gay boyfriend. I'm his wingman. He never picks anyone up, cause he's too much of a wuss, and uses me as an excuse to meet men, and then to leave them because he's got to escort my drunk-ass home.

Back when Doug and I used to work together, we would go out every night to our favorite dive, get super cheap drunk, eat really bad happy hour food (Doug didn't eat because it wasn't The Palm, but Cassie and I sure did!), and then hit up a gay bar.

I love gay bars. Or lesbian bars, for that matter. I can flirt and make out with guys and never worry that they really want to take me home. Gay men love to kiss straight girls. I don't know why, but I always end up making out with some hot guy and then he leaves with his partner. I love it.

Doug came out here once to visit his "aunts" in the south, and I went with. We wandered around town in their neighbors' convertible, drank all day, and hung out with the "aunts" at night. We used their old lady hospital beds as race cars and raced the leg and back lifts all night. We dressed up in their old lady nighties and drank by the pool. We drank, and drank, and drank. That's what Doug and I do.

Luckily for my liver, he's only been out here 3 times since I moved here. All three times have been DRUNKEN, (wait, maybe 4. 4) and full of drama. He's a queen if I've ever met one. Last time, we went wine tasting all day with Angie (and found the most wonderful handicap porta-potty with a real sink and oriental carpets). We ended up with Angie's boyfriend Jack in a bar next to my house. We were all drunkenly carousing until he picked a fight and stomped off the block to my house. I ignored him, and found out the next day that he had gone to the airport to stay at the Westin. I didn't even know he was gone, cause I don't think I came home till early in the morning, and was probably happy to have the bed to myself again.

I told him I quit drinking and he quit texting. Then he texted me a drunken hello the other day, and I haven't known how to answer. Our relationship is built on alcohol and lack of sex, and now he's dating someone and I'm sober. I wonder if he'll come out for orphan Thanksgiving again? I wonder what he'll say when he gets drunk, cause he will, and I'm still not drinking? I bet he won't come out anymore. It's sad to think of losing friends, but I suppose this is what they mean when they say nothing will change except your whole life.