I worry about relapsing all the time. I have those booze dreams, and they make me worried that maybe alcohol isn't done with me yet. Maybe I have to have some bad consequences before I do this. Maybe I need everyone to see just how much of a fuckup I was before I quit. I don't think anyone believes me that I am an alcoholic. I know, that's silly, but I really don't think they do.
So what qualifies me? Well, the blackouts, the drunk driving, drinking alone, bringing home random guys from bars. Right? Or is this just normal in-your-20s behavior? I suppose none of that is good, but I don't know anyone who did any different, besides the blackouts and the drinking alone.
I worry about relapse. I worry that suddenly I'll just say, "You know, it wasn't that bad." That's why I need this blog. I need to remind myself that it's not worth it to drink. If just on the bare bones level of my meds working better now. It's truly amazing how less depressed I am without booze.
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